


Hazel

by rareheartzz



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Grief/Mourning, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, They/Them Pronouns for Hange Zoë
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27990153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rareheartzz/pseuds/rareheartzz
Summary: *After the return to Shiganshina arc in Attack on Titan*It wasn’t often that Hange was affected by an expedition, they’d been part of the survey corps for the better part of a decade, but this time was different. The lights seemed dimmer. The halls felt longer. The air felt thicker, the entire atmosphere had changed.
Relationships: Moblit Berner & Hange Zoë, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë, moblit - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm so glad my semester is over so I can finally get more works out!
> 
> Also, like my last fic, there is an additional ending for the manga readers out there. The ending will be posted as a 2nd chapter (even though it's roughly 100 words) and will have IMPLIED MAJOR manga spoilers so if you do not want that you can 100% skip it.

It wasn’t often that Hange was affected by an expedition, they’d been part of the survey corps for the better part of a decade, but this time was different. The lights seemed dimmer. The halls felt longer. The air felt thicker, the entire atmosphere had changed. 

Hange sat in the medical office. The putrid scent of sterilized metal infected the air as they sat crossed-legged on an examination table. This was their third visit since returning from Shiganshina and the frequency was getting tiresome.

A doctor would come in, examine their eye, inform them the infection was going down and then leave. The whole process took precious time out of their already busy schedule. Hange would be forced to wait in a small room for an hour or so before even being looked at, and then the process of the examination took time on its own. They might have been the new commander, but the physicians still took their sweet time. They cared about the rich socialites of the inner walls more than a battered soldier. 

This time Hange let their mind wander. something they'd tried to prevent the days since their return. Occasionally flashes would come, bright greens and yellows plaguing their mind, but they would fade quickly. Hange had always had a habit of pushing down their grief after a battle, but it seemed time had caught up with them.

Their hips splayed open as they waited for the doctor to come in. Their hands fidgeted with the unkempt greasy locks that fell below their shoulders. It felt longer than before, the last time they could remember their hair down was-

Quickly Hange shoved their hands in their lap, memories flooding back. They gulped as their ears began to ring. Hange closed their good eye, encapsulated in darkness as they tried to steady their breathing.

Speaking to no one Hange muttered, “Stop…”

Their leg began to shake and the ringing grew more intense.

“Commander, good to see you again-“

Thoughts interrupted by the deep voice, Hange quickly opened their eye. They cracked a half-assed smile and a small wave to the doctor who strolled into the room.

“Are you alright? You seem a little bit shaky,” The doctor asked, pointing to Hange’s raised hand, their fingers trembling as they waved.

They swiftly lowered their hand, placing it back in their lap before nodding, “Just tired is all…”

It wasn’t a lie, they  _ were  _ tired.

“Well, as you are already aware we are keeping tabs on your wound. Whether you have any new infections or something of that nature,” The doctor continued as he pulled up a stool to sit in front of Hange, “ After today we should good to space out these visits, about a week between each.”

Hange gave a soft  _ mhm _ as the doctor set his chart on the examination table. 

“Alright, you know the procedure here, this might sting a bit but it’ll be over soon.”

Hange gritted their teeth and the doctor peeled back the layers of gauze and bandages from their eye. As each layer was torn away small shock waves of pain were sent down Hange’s spine, the same as always. 

Soon what was once fully black exploded in a combination of white and grey fuzz. They had lost all sight in their left eye, all that was left was a haze in greyscale. A dizzy sensation took over, their body felt incredibly heavy as they sat in front of the physician.

“How are you doing?” The doctor asked, continuing to examine the surgical stitches and healing burns.

“Just a bit disoriented, I’m okay,” Hange muttered while clenching their fist.

“Here let me give you a second,” The doctor pulled back, hands dropping to his sides.

Hange waited for their vision to clear, waiting for some sense of normalcy but none came. They waited for the haze to fade, but it didn’t. Their head fell forward, dizziness taking over.

“Hey, hey!” The doctor grabbed Hange’s shoulders as they slumped.

Through slurred speech, Hange was incoherent, unable to form complete words.

“Hange, you need to stay awake,” The doctor was stern.

“F-fine, j-just light-headed…”

“Have you been eating? This hasn’t happened at our previous visits.”

“I’m trying, I can't keep anything down,” Hange said trying to straighten up, but failing and falling back into the doctor's arms. 

The doctor moved Hange, laying them down fully on the examination table. Their legs and arms felt warm, most likely a symptom of their faintness. Their right eye began to fog up, only to quickly be shrouded in black.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ There was a smooth voice, like silk. A muffled chuckle and the sounds of early morning. Hange opened their eyes, met with bright gleaming hazel.  _

_ A single bead of sweat was on his brow, his cheeks were flushed red as he beamed down at Hange.  _

_ It was hazy, the world felt warm and full of life, bright.  _

_ A soft touch to their cheek pulled them out of it, out of the fuzz, and forced them directly into the sun.  _

_ Their eyes opened wider, saw his face in its full glory before being tucked into the crook of his neck. _

_ “Are you okay? Looked like I lost you there for a second,” Moblit whispered in Hange’s ear. _

_ His voice sent shivers down their spine, it was so full of love. His breathy tone felt like home, felt like crackling firewood in the middle of winter.  _

_ Hange wrapped their arms around him, pulling his full weight onto them. They soaked in his presence, savored it in case it was the last time.  _

_ Hange nodded slowly into his bare skin. Taking their time relishing in the weight of life atop them. _

_ Moblit raked his fingers in Hange’s hair, the damp locks just brushing tanned shoulders. He pulled away from Hange’s embrace with his brows slightly furrowed. _

_ “Your hair got so long,” He chuckled as he twirled a few strands between calloused fingers, “I haven’t seen it down in a while, guess I hadn't noticed.” _

_ Hange’s chest fluttered, their heartbeat picking up pace. A faint burn began behind their eyes, tears welling up as their auburn bore up at Moblit. _

_ “Hange?” Moblit questioned, “Hange what’s wrong?”  _

_ He quickly sat them both up in the bed, sheets tangled between them as he cradled Hange’s now tear riddled face. _

_ “I wish this could last forever, ” Hange sucked in a shaky breath, “I wish I could see this face forever.” _

_ Hange’s hand outlines Moblit’s jaw, their thumb running along his skin until it meets his lips.  _

_ “I’d do anything to see this face for the rest of my life-” Hange choked on their words, crumpling into Moblit’s chest, “Anything…” _

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hange jolted up, sensation back in their arms and legs. Their vision cleared and they saw the physician standing beside them.

“Welcome back Commander.”

“Did I…” Hange brought their hand up to their head, puzzled, “I’m sorry-“

“You shouldn't apologize for that,” He stood arms crossed eyes fixed on the fragile soldier before him.

There was a beat of silence, awkward tension falling over the room. 

The doctor cleared his throat, “Well, I was lucky enough to finish the exam while you were out.” 

“Oh, okay I guess that’s good,” Hange touched a hand to the newly placed gauze and bandage, “Is it healing alright?”

“Yes, you should be alright for a little while now,” He paused and cleared his throat, “However, I would like you to keep an eye on your food intake. It could be related to the physical trauma you experienced, but there are other possibilities as well.”

Hange nodded, understanding the subtle implications of his statement. They knew that soldiers were prone to this, unable to eat after a hard battle. Hange had seen it dozens of times through comrades who lost friends,  _ lovers _ , in the field. 

When the doctor cleared them to leave they shuffled off the table, steady hands helping guide them, and they headed out the door. 

Luckily, their business in the inner city was through for the day and they were able to head back to the ever familiar fortress where the corps held up. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was quiet, no soldiers ran around the compound, no horses stirred in the stables. 

Hange trudged up the stairs, counting their footsteps out of boredom. They were focused on their steps, gaze on their feet. 

“Hey, glasses, watch out,” A low voice mumbled before them, the person pressing a hand to Hange’s chest to keep them from colliding.

Lifting their head Hange caught a glimpse of the captain, “Oh, Levi… I didn’t notice you.”

“Well that’s obvious, you were looking at the floor.”

Hange gave a small smile in return before trying to push past him. 

After a few steps, his voice called out to them, “Have you eaten anything today?”

Hange didn’t respond.

“I thought so, I’ll bring by some dinner tonight.”

He didn’t wait around for a response, aware Hange would try and fight it. Instead, he just let out a quiet sigh before descending the stairs.

“Thank you,” Hange said to no one, suddenly alone in the dark hallway.

They down the hall past old officer quarters, small boxes of personal effects sat outside each door. Boxes with personal letters, articles of clothing, and other knick-knacks tucked away and ready to be delivered to the families in mourning. 

One door didn’t have a box by it, Hange’s old quarters. They had already been relocated to the commander’s quarters, much to their chagrin. They had wanted to preserve Erwin’s office, his personal effects, as long as possible, but the transition didn’t allow for that. 

The higher-ranking military officers had been quick to whisk away any items Erwin had specified before he passed. Hange had been forced to work an empty shell, filled with memories of a trusted friend.

Hange hadn’t visited their old room, not since Shiganshina. Rushing between the central city and filling out the procedural papers left them sleeping at their desk most nights surrounded by notes.

The remaining scouts had helped them with the transition. Levi often grabbed clean clothes for the commander, unable to let them return to old habits. Armin and Jean had offered to help move the rest of Hange’s belongings to the commander's suite, but Hange declined. They didn’t want to become dependent on others, even in their recovery period. 

Hange paused by their door, suddenly drawn to go inside. Their hand shook as it inched closer to the handle. They took a deep breath and opened the door, a gust of cold air washing over them.

Nothing had moved, the sheets lay exactly where they had been left, the dirty laundry piled haphazardly in the corner. Hange stepped inside, closing the door behind them. They walked forward to the bed, to the mess from the morning before Shiganshina. Sheets lay across the bed and dangled to the floor. Pillows scattered about and among it all a dark shirt. 

Hange sat beside it, gently placing their hand atop the fabric, and sighed. Clutching the shirt to their chest they flopped onto the bed. 

They tried, pleaded with themself not to cry, but still, tears began to flow. Silently Hange lay as their salty streams graced their cheeks.

“I wish I could see you again…” Hange stuttered, tucking their face into the shirt as the tears grew into sobs. 

They laid like this for a long time. The sun began to set, golden hues dancing through the window while Hange lay. 

Hanged turned over, facing the window watching the transition from day to night when something caught their eye. 

On the bedside table, something was out of place. There was a set of papers sitting on top of the table Hange was sure weren’t there before. 

They sat up, still grasping the shirt, and rubbed the tears out of their good eye. Shuffling to their feet they grabbed the papers and walked closer to the window with what little daylight was left. 

What came into view was a letter and a small sketch. Hange could barely make them out but they could tell one thing, the handwriting was  _ his _ .

Hange rushed out of the room, papers, and shirt in hand, and practically raced down the hall to their new office. Swinging the door open, they rushed to their desk and lit a lantern. They sat, holding the papers in front of them, the letter atop the sketch. Hange took a deep breath and began to read the letter.

_ \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

_ Hange, _

_ I’m not sure when you’ll read this, I know there won’t be time to give it to you before the expedition. Some things are hard, impossible even, and one of them is remembering you. There is no amount of words I could say or letters I could write that fully encapsulate what you mean to me. _

_ When you said you wanted to see my face forever I knew exactly what you meant. Amongst our countless missions, there have been close encounters, too many. Moments, where I thought it’d be my last and all I could think of, was you, your eyes looking back at me. In my last moments, if there is one thing I'd want, it'd be to see you and I think I found a way. I'm going to leave another note for you, something to hold so in case I'm not by your side. _

_ We can’t make promises in our line of work, no matter who they’re for. I wish I could tell you I'll always be by your side, always be there, but I know I won’t be. This next expedition is the most dangerous we've ever been on. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t afraid, afraid of losing you, but I have to face it. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, to protect you with everything I have.  _

_ Even if I'm not by your side, holding your hand, I'll be there, always.  _

_ Moblit. _

_ \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

Hange sucked in air between gritted teeth, tears were rolling down their cheek as they shakily set the letter down. Their hand clasped over their mouth muffling a gasp.

Hange looked down at the sketch, what once looked like obscure lines in the lowlight of the day was now a fully realized image. 

The soft lines of a familiar face stared up at Hange. Dark graphite spread across the parchment, beautiful features expertly replicated. 

They crumbled, clutching the paper to their chest. Tears flowed down their cheek as quiet sobs echoed in their office. Their forehead connected with the table as they slumped forward.

The image in their hand was of Moblit, a small but accurate self-portrait of Hange’s former second. The face Hange was petrified of forgetting, was right there. 

Clearing their throat Hange sat back up and placed the sketch on the desk before them. They wiped salty tears from their now swollen cheeks and traced the portrait before them.

“Thanks for protecting me Mo…”


	2. Chapter 2

They opened their eyes, bright light blinding them momentarily. A hand reached out in front of them, but the person attached was still washed out by the white light. 

“Hey commander,” A familiar voice echoed.

Hange felt their heart stop.

Hazel eyes came into focus first and before Hange could think they had thrown their arms around the man before them. 

“It's you…”

Moblit tucked their head into his chest.

“It's me…”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this new fic!!! I've been in a mobuhan kick lately and this idea of Moblit drawing Hange came to me thus leading to this story. I know I usually write levihan on here (don't worry I have a few I'm working on) but I've been missing my mo recently so the angst just flowed out of me.
> 
> If you enjoyed I'd really appreciate it if you left kudos and comments!! I love to see how you guys react to my stories!
> 
> If you have any suggestions for future stories feel free to comment here or on my other socials!  
> tumblr: @rareheartzz  
> twitter: @rareheartzz  
> tiktok: @rareheartzz & @rareheartzz.cos


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